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By Michelle Singletary
Thursday, March 20, 2008; Page D02
In several recent online discussions, I've gotten into a debate about the cost of a wedding.
It all started when someone on a tight budget asked: "How do I find a place and feed 100 people?"
I responded that the best solution is to stick to your budget and cut the guest list.
Well, you would have thought I had attacked the very institution of family.
Here's what one person said: "I was surprised at your advice to the poster who wanted to reduce wedding costs. I absolutely agree that people should stick to a wedding budget, but I was raised to believe that weddings are not just about the couple, but about the families being joined together. So the guest list is the last thing to cut, not the first."
Another wrote: "Certain cultures and religions do place a lot of emphasis on family during a wedding celebration."
Then there was this response from someone who cut costs and was ridiculed by relatives.
"My family was just appalled at the 'quaintness' of my wedding, a lunch with a cocktail hour," the person wrote. "It wasn't a big New York blowout. I got married in Atlanta. They wouldn't even have thought about coming down here if they weren't getting fed. Honestly, I would have been embarrassed to do much less."
There you have it, folks.
This is one the reasons so many people are broke. They -- perhaps even you -- are trying to meet other people's expectations.
A wedding is not about the family. The families aren't being joined together (although you likely will have to deal with a lot of family drama). A wedding is about the couple. (And no, Bridezilla, it's not about you.) It's supposed to be about the vows the two people make to each other. Onlookers, except for the required official and/or witnesses, are expendable.
Yes, I'm aware that many cultures have blowout bashes to celebrate the holy matrimony of two people. In some cultures, brides, grooms or their families spend precious resources -- money, farm animals, etc. -- to pay for weddings.
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