Published on April 18th, 2006.
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The internet! You must be crazy! You're not going to find anyone that way but some psycho murderer!
YOU'RE KIDDING ME, YOU'RE LEAVING ME AFTER 7 YEARS TOGETHER AND EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH!!!! Yes he was. Guess I should have seen it coming.
So here I was a single woman again at the age of 26 & not knowing where I wanted to search for a good man. I knew that I did not feel like dealing with the bar scene at all, I had grown way past that. Of course the family & friends were full of suggestions & all too willing to set me up with the "Perfect Guy," no thanks. There was one suggestion that seemed to be coming up that I could not get away from & that was the suggestion of trying the Internet. I initially blew this off & didn't think twice about it but after a while I could not ignore this suggestion but still had my hesitations about trying something like this.
So I debated the idea for a while & finally decided I would check it out. So I looked around online at different sites & explored them a little, & finally decided on two different sites, figuring I would start with this & if they did not work I would explore into more. Now my next task was to write an ad. This was another task, which seemed impossible in the beginning; here I am a very strong, confident & independent woman. How do I write an ad that I can be honest about me, without coming across as an angry woman who hates everyone & attract the kind of man I want? Well after a lot of work & revisions I finally came up with an ad I thought was not too strong but made my point & would hopefully attract that man that I was looking for.
Well initially I felt that I had wasted my time & energy with this idea, why? Well I felt I had wasted my time because the first couple of dates I went out on were a complete waste of my time & the guys that I went out with because they were not what I was looking for, most I felt were just a bunch of bachelors that just wanted to stay that way forever & wanted to see how many women they could score with. Well after a few months there seemed to be no point in posting these ads other than the opportunity to waste my time on a totally useless date, but I figured I would be patient, there had to be someone worthwhile.
By this time I had gotten to the point where I was not giving men a whole lot of information about me, I figured maybe the less information I gave out & the longer I made them wait to speak to me on the phone or find out my real name. This would weed out the men that were not looking for a commitment. So when I got the latest message I thought to myself, how long is it going to take to see if this one is worth pursuing? Well initially like all the others I only gave him the bare information & only communicated with him via messages through the dating site, & after seeing that it seemed he was really interested in getting to know me as a person, we eventually took the next step & moved our communication to via personal email, & again I carried this on for a while. I figured he will either get sick of communicating with me this way or if he sticks around & he is worth investing time into.
Well by this time I would have to say we had been communicating for several months & he was still around, to my surprise. Fairly early on he had given me his phone number but I just kept it with all the others & figured I will probably never call him & I knew he would not be calling me since he still did not know my last name & did not have my phone number, even if he had my last name he would never get my number since the phone was not under my name, & my email that I sent did not have my name on it, just put a name in there to keep people wondering who I was. However eventually I figured I would take a chance & I decided to give him a call, I was thinking what’s the worse that could happen, I call him this one time & never speak to him again, but since our emails back & forth were always worth looking forward to, I had a pretty good feeling that a phone conversation would go well.
So one evening I finally took the step & gave him a call. First off really nice guy on the phone & the conversations was great as well, so well that I believe that first conversation was 4 hrs or more, but I still did not give him my number, I decided to wait then he finally came out one day & asked me so what does it take to get your number from you. I stopped & thought about it for a few minutes, had to say all the conversations we had were always great & were always long & we always talked about things that mattered in our lives & what was important, so I gave in & gave him my number, but still was not about to invite him over or go out with him, figured if he was serious he would wait after all he had waited as long as he did just to speak to me via personal email then phone.
So as we headed into late winter we were still talking via phone but still had not met in person. It was not that he had not asked but I turned him down on at least 4 or 5 different occasions. I remember him inviting me to a Christmas party, a church concert that he was performing in, a new yrs eve party, & a friends birthday party, all of which I turned him down, but he didn't go anywhere, still called me, & emailed me on a fairly regular basis. So I knew he was not going anywhere in the near future, & I wanted to take as much time as possible to get to know one another, & by this time I had shared a bit more with him like giving him approximately where I lived (still not exactly, vague information).
Well one Saturday afternoon while sitting at home with no plans to go anywhere I decided to give him a call, well he happened to be in Maryland at the airport to change some tickets, so we spoke as he was heading home (back to Springfield, VA). Well somewhere along the conversation & the drive home he must have hatched a little plan without my knowledge to skip his friends birthday party he supposed to go to because as he was driving along he happened to mention that he was driving past the NRA building in Fairfax, with this I only commented with "Oh I live near there." (Totally clueless). He answered back with something along the lines of "I know that was the idea." I still did not catch on, so we continued to talk until a little later in the conversation when he mentioned he was on Fairfax County Parkway (this matters because I lived off the parkway), & he asked me what road off the parkway do you take to get to my house, with this I actually told him still not catching on, until he mentioned he was right there. Then it dawned on me, he had decided he was coming over.
With this sudden realization I ran to my room since all I had on was sweats & a T-Shirt. He must have heard me sorting through my bedroom & running around looking for clothes because he asked me what I was doing, so I told him changing & looking for a brush. Well I finally found a pair of jeans & a nice sweater to throw on, figured well if he likes me in this & the way I look he is worth keeping around since I had no warning. So a few minutes later after I gave him the rest of the directions to get to my house he was at my front door & here we were finally meeting in person. I invited him in & we went into my living room to the couch where we spent the next 16 hrs talking about everything, our childhoods, hobbies, careers & goals in life & everything else in between. We ended up talking so long that next thing we knew we looked outside & the sun was coming up.
Well that first night of getting together would lead to just about every night after that of him picking up dinner & meeting me at my house & up all night talking & seeing the sun come up. Then one night he told me he was going to Atlantic City in about two weeks or so & asked me if I wanted to go. I had to think about since at this point neither one of us had made a commitment to one another we were still only seeing each other casually, nothing serious. I said I had to think about it, after all, I still barely knew this man. So I came up with my own little plan. I had a close friend of mine that lived in PA that would come down on a fairly frequent basis to see me & hang out, so I decided I would invite him down & see what he thought. So I put the plan into action, had him come down for the weekend, & stay with me (first test to see if this guy could tolerate that), then decided the three of us should go out to dinner & then maybe go play pool & go back to my house & hang out.
Well dinner went great they seemed to hit it off, & off course playing pool between the three of us was a blast but I still wondered how would it be once we got back to my house & had nothing to preoccupy us. Well we finally made it home & sat around for a bit & talked. So all in all the night went well & my friend & I decided it was time for bed & Harvey headed home? The next day the three of us hung out a bit again until my friend headed back home to PA. So I decided I would wait until he got home & call him to see what he thought. Well once he made it home I called him & asked so what do you think, should I go, he told me he felt I had nothing to worry about take a chance & go, after all I had never been to Atlantic City. So I decided that I would go, so the next time we got together I told him sure I would go to Atlantic City with him.
So off to Atlantic City we went. The drive went well, long but well. So we finally made it up to Atlantic City after being on the road for a couple of hrs. Upon our arrival to Atlantic City we decided to go ahead & check into the hotel & head up to the room & drop our bags. Once we arrived into our room we decided we would take it easy for a little bit before heading out. Well while we were laying there together he turned to me & explained to me he liked me & that he would like to change our relationship from a casual one to a serious relationship & he was not interested in seeing anyone else but me, & I had to agree so we decided right then & there to just date one another. This is one add I am glad I answered & one decision I will never regret.
About the Bride to Be:
I am a small town farm girl from upstate NY. After being born in Florida, I was adopted at the age of 2 & moved to upstate NY where I would grow up to graduate from High School & attend College. As a child we moved around quite a bit, on average I stayed in a school 2-3 yrs & then we would move on. While growing up in NY for the first 13 yrs I grew up on a farm until I was moved into foster care where I would stay until graduating from high school & heading off to college. While attending college in NY I was dating a man whose sister lived in VA & that would lead me to move to VA a few yrs later. See the first yr we were together we went to VA to visit his sister & I told him right then & there I loved the area so much that regardless of what happened with us I was moving. So after attending college for two yrs & having to be on crutches for 3 months in the middle of the brutal cold winter of my senior yr of college I decided I was leaving, which I did right after graduation, with no place to live, & no job, knowing only this guy (& we had split months before), I moved down to VA.
Upon my arrival to VA I moved in with my ex from college & found a job & started to build a life for myself here, but a yr later we decided to move to GA. This move lasted just shy of a yr, only to return to VA because we hated GA the entire time we were there so we moved back to VA & I have been here since.
About the Groom to Be:
My parents were originally from California. During the 20’s, my grandfather played semi-professional baseball & in 1927 his Fresno team did a barnstorming tour in Japan & beat all of the teams they faced. When they returned, they played in an exhibition game with Babe Ruth & Lou Gehrig. Afterwards, my grandfather decided to get married & quit playing baseball & became a farmer. During World War II, the family was sent to a relocation center in Arizona & then went to Cleveland to work for the Federal government translating maps. This led to a position in Washington where my grandfather worked until he had a heart attack at his desk in the Pentagon in 1959. My grandmother continued to work for the government until she retired in 1978.
My parents met on their bowling team in the 50’s. My mother actually asked my father to the holiday formal. They were married a few yrs later & moved to Springfield in 1957. My sister was born in 1959, shortly before my grandfather died. My brother was born in 1961 & I didn’t come along until 1967. During this time, we lived within 2 miles of the schools so we walked to our elementary, intermediate & high schools.
I had a talent for music & started playing the violin in the 4th grade, by 5th grade I could also play cello & bass & by 6th grade I was playing high school & college level music. I also enjoyed bowling, something I picked up from my father taking me to his bowling matches.
When I reached high school, I did not want to commit the time to the violin to become any better, since it had all come so easily in my early yrs. Besides, I was not intending on being a performer, I just wanted to teach b&. With my interest in b&, I joined the marching b& drum line my junior yr & continued in my senior yr. I increased my musical circle by ringing h& bells with the new director at Springfield United Methodist Church. I discovered an appreciation & a talent for ringing early on & always strived to improve my abilities & techniques. I credit this to my director for “forcing” me to take classes at the youth festivals we went to during the 80’s.
Also during the 80’s I discovered my passion for ice hockey. The US Olympic Team had just beaten the Soviets & won the gold medal at Lake Placid & I remember all of us kids on the street-playing hockey on the frozen street & then on the dry pavement during the spring & summer. I didn’t get a chance to play on ice until the late 80’s when a co-worker told me that they rented out the local rink on Friday nights & played pick-up for a few hrs.
After graduating from high school, I went to James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA. It was my dream school, since I had attended orchestra festivals there while I was in intermediate & high school. I was friends’ with the orchestra director & I believe it was with his help that I was accepted to the university. They also have a great marching b& there & I enjoyed my yr as a Marching Royal Duke.
However, due to some questionable course advice, I found myself in a position to have to pay my own way to continue college. I returned home & started working for a “record” store at the nearby mall. They had a store in Harrisonburg, so I was hoping to transfer back to JMU the following yr & have a job as well. During my time at the record store I got to meet record label representatives & was talking about the industry with them.
I signed up for a real ice hockey league & spent quite a bit of money getting equipment. I wanted to play goaltender, so I had to spend quite a bit more than the regular person, but I was able to manage it back then. Our first season we went undefeated & we won our city championship. We would consistently have good seasons but would fall short during the playoffs. Then one yr we finally won the playoffs & the city championships. We earned a bid to represent our level in the Toronto regional tournaments but we were mostly outmanned & outgunned & we lost our three games.
Retail became a drag for me, so after a few yrs I quit & got a “real” job working for a savings bank. I worked my way up from teller to branch assistant in a little over eight yrs. Still during this time I was ringing h& bells, even getting the opportunity to perform at the White House & the Duke University Chapel, but the program at Springfield had died down so I transferred my membership to St. Matthew’s United Methodist, since I knew the director there & I knew that she had a great program. Also my friend Rick had just started over there & he was telling me how good things were over there. After going on a tour with the bells, which included a trip to the Olympics in Atlanta, I returned back to work to find out that I was being let go.
I temped for a few yrs & after a yr I got a job as a marketing administrative assistant for a commercial real estate developing firm. I had also gotten a chance to bowl as a friend of mine from the hockey team’s father-in-law bowled in the White House bowling league. I was fortunate to bowl on the White House lanes for two yrs before they shut access to the lanes down after 9/11. During this time I had a pretty set schedule during the fall/spring: h& bells, ice hockey & bowling, I really didn’t have too much time for anything else.
The Proposal:
From day one we had always talked about marriage & kids, so almost four yrs later no surprise we went shopping for an engagement ring, & picked out the ring at the Gem & Jewelry show at the Chantilly Expo Center. There was only one hitch though, I told him from day one I live my life my way, I do just about everything different that than others, I don't do the norm, so if & when he was going to propose to me he had to be different, no cheesy lame romantic dinner get down on one knee in the restaurant bit, over done, & he could not propose to me on my birthday, or any holiday way to over done, but he had to propose to me before my 30th birthday. Well on February 13, 2005 our church St. Matthews United Methodist Church has our annual H& bell Dessert Concert. For any of you that may have attended the Kennedy Center Free Christmas Concerts you may have heard of St. Matthews H& bell Choir. Anyway as I said earlier I was with him when he picked out the ring & I knew when he received it in the mail from the jeweler. I knew when he was going to do it (one of the members of the bell choir told me since it was not going to be before my 30th birthday, after all we did not receive the ring back until about a month before my birthday). Now I knew when he was going to pop the question but had no idea how. I of course had ideas of how he was going to do it, little did I know how far off base I was? Well the usual format for the concert is Nancy (bell director) will start out the day with individual pieces comprised of individuals by themselves, triples, quads etc in the Sanctuary of our church & then we move to the reception hall where desserts are given out (according to what you picked earlier in the day), & the first full bell choir comes in & they will play a piece then between each piece Nancy will give read off dedications which they give out either Roses or candy or balloons (these are filled out days or weeks before by individuals). Then of course just before there last piece Nancy will introduce each member of the bell choir that is up & how long they have been playing. Well my boyfriend plays for the Peace Ringers they are usually 2nd to last to play. While they were setting up Nancy did the usual dedications & introducing each member since the Peace Ringers only play one song unlike the others who play several. Well one other common event at these is at least one bell breaks during the concert such as one concert I went to one of the younger boys was playing & the handle snapped in the middle of his performance, he managed to go on but this is the norm no surprise when one happens to break or something goes wrong with them, I tell you this for a reason. The Peace Ringers finished setting up for their piece & I happened to notice as Nancy is attempting to start them my boyfriend & another member are looking at one of the bells, in which Nancy said is there a problem, my boyfriend replied with "There is a weird ring to it" so she asked if he could fix it & of course he responded with yes. So off the stage he went with bell in h&, I assumed he was off to find the necessary tools to fix it & would be back shortly, so I paid no attention after he stepped off the stage & Nancy started to speak again. However a friend of turned my attention ours that was there with us (the gentleman whose birthday party my boyfriend had skipped to meet me), who decided to make a wise crack as my boyfriend walked by. "What are you going to do hit someone in the head with it to fix it?" I turned around to make a comment back to him & that was when I noticed that my boyfriend was down on one knee & he asked me to marry him, & of course I said yes.
Our Story today:
Since I grew up in upstate NY in foster care I do not have family that I can ask to pitch in or pay for my wedding & Harvey's father passed away several yrs ago & his mother is now 75 & has been retired & living on a fixed income so of course she does not have the money to pitch in & pay for our wedding. So basically we are on our own, now to compound the problem, we are both not only attempting to plan a wedding but we have also over the past couple of yrs been attempting to repair our credit. See after 9/11 both of us lost our jobs, the Travel Agency I was working for closed the office I worked in & the commercial construction company that he worked for had to cut back so the both of us were out of a job from anywhere from 6 months to a yr after, so all our bills fell behind. Now for me this was the 2nd time in a yr that I lost my job so this just compounded my problems financially since only 7 months prior I had lost my job due to another Agency I worked for closing their doors.
After losing my job twice in one yr when I finally started with my last company I thought I had finally found a job with a secure, & financially safe company, however I was not expecting that last yr while we were in Nassau on vacation that I would get the call from one of my co-workers to tell me that they were closing the office before I would return home at the end of the week, so here I was again unemployed. So after two yrs of trying to repair my credit I was back to square one. Now recently I finally got a new job (outside the travel industry) so I am hoping with this new job to save up some money & finally begin again to make payments to those old past due bills.
Now as far as my fiancé he has been lucky enough that over the past yr or so he has had a secure steady job where he too could finally start to repair his credit & pay his bills. However even though the two of us now have job where we are making a regular income we still have those past due bills to pay & monthly rent to pay & other bills but unfortunately we have not caught up enough to save any money to put towards paying for this wedding ourselves. So now we are in the predicament to figure out how to come up with the money to pay for our wedding.
Now neither one of us is comfortable with taking out a loan, or even thinks we would be able to qualify for one to pay for this wedding. I have come up with many creative ideas to help save us money on several parts of our wedding such as centerpieces, my bridal bouquet as well as my bridesmaids’ bouquets. I have researched other options such as creative & inexpensive ways to do our catering or places to hold our reception & ceremony, however nothing has panned out at this point. We have even gone as far as looking into getting a grant but this has not worked either.
During all my research to find ways to pay for this wedding without having to go into major debt or take out a loan, the one option we have come across has been a sponsored wedding. This idea we have taken into careful consideration & have decided this is one option that is worth pursuing.
So this is where we are at. I am hoping to find enough vendors willing to sponsor our wedding to still have the dream wedding we both want.
