|Home||Local Vendors||Wedding Statistics||Bridal Shows||Wedding Planning||free use of articles||Submit An Article||Contact Us|
Can a Marital Separation Ever Save a Marriage?
As an experienced counselor, one of the questions I'm asked frequently is, "Can a marital separation ever save a marriage?" My answer is a qualified "yes."
Sometimes a couple is miserable living together and can't seem to co-exist without having constant harping and bickering. If they have children, they may worry about the impact on them of all the fighting. Each spouse wants the marriage to work and is willing to work on the problems and issues in marriage counseling while they're separated.
Couples in this situation often plan to use the separation period to "let the dust settle," reflect on the marriage, take responsibility for their share of what has happened, and work on individual and joint issues in counseling. One goal is for the spouses to use their problem-solving skills in counseling to address and resolve the most serious problems before moving back together. Both spouses agree not to date anyone else and to focus exclusively on working to improve the marriage.
For these couples, the separation can be a time to think, to reflect, to analyze, to cool off and calm down, and to take a break from each other. It also provides time and space for each spouse to make unhurried, thoughtful decisions instead of waiting for things to blow up and then impulsively leaving. Used in this way, a planned separation can actually help to save a marriage.
In other cases, one spouse or the other may move out on the spur of the moment after an upsetting argument. The separation is unplanned, and there are no plans for marriage counseling, no guidelines agreed upon about seeing others, and no tentative time-line for the separation.
There is usually much anxiety on the part of the partner who has been left unexpectedly and there are many unanswered questions: What is happening? Will the partner file for divorce? Will the marriage survive? Whether the separation will help or hurt the marriage is unknown in this case. Things could go either way, depending on what happens.
Another situation that can result in separation is when a spouse is living in an intolerable situation in the marriage. Perhaps the partner is verbally abusive, chronically runs around, or shows continual disrespect towards his or her spouse in some other way. The spouse may have tried to get the partner to go to counseling, but the partner always refused.
Sometimes the best thing the spouse can do is to decide to separate and hope that the partner will be shocked enough by the unexpected action to finally agree to work on the marriage. In situations like this, a separation can sometimes save the marriage.
The partner often says, "I knew we had some problems, but I didn't think they were that serious. I never thought she (or he) would really leave. She kept telling me, but I didn't believe her." The spouse then has to stand firm and let the partner know that she is going to live separately because "I refuse to be in a marriage where I'm treated like this. I deserve more."
By not rushing to file for divorce, the spouse finds out during the planned separation if the partner is finally motivated enough to enter counseling and work on changing. If the couple enters counseling, the therapist will then be able to give them a recommendation about when they are ready to live together again, if ever.
Of course, there are no guarantees in a marital separation. The separation might be instrumental in saving the marriage, or it may widen the gap between the two spouses and eventually lead to divorce. A planned separation is always preferable to an impulsive one.
The following five tips can help you if you need to think about separating from your spouse:
1. Talk with your spouse about what your individual goals are for the separation. Are they the same or different?
2. Try to reach agreement that neither of you will date anyone else during this period of time. If your marriage is going to have the best chance possible, you'll want to agree not to have sexual entanglements with others so you can continue to work on your relationship.
3. Set a tentative time period for the separation, such as three months. At the end of that time, you can both re-evaluate the decision in terms of what's best for each of you.
4. Agree to seek individual and joint counseling during the separation to address the key problems and issues that have caused conflict in the marriage. This is an ideal time to do some deep individual work on your own personal issues as well as to address core relationship issues.
5. Set guidelines that you both agree to about how much contact you'll have during the separation and what kind of contact it will be. It doesn't do any good to have a separation if one spouse or the other is calling on the phone every five minutes and constantly wanting to talk more about the problems. The separation is supposed to reduce conflict and give each person some space and relief from constant pressure and arguments.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.
Wedding Invitation Tips and Advice
You're well into planning your wedding and have finally decided on the design of your wedding invitation. The wording has been chosen and the guest list is well on its way to completion. Here are some additional wedding invitation tips and advice that you should also be aware of.
Eight Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage
1) Write a mission statement:
Titanium Mens Wedding Rings ? The Contemporary Look for the Modern Man
The wearing of a man wedding ring is a relatively modern phenomenon. So is the use of Titanium in Titanium mens rings.
Whats a Goldfish Doing at a Wedding?
Time was when you'd open a wedding invitation you'd find an understated high quality piece of parchment, with an uncompromisingly clear font, requesting, ever so formally, the honour of your presence.
Conquer the Five Most Common Fears About Your Wedding Ceremony
It's safe to say that of all the important events in your lifetime, your wedding day is certain to be right up there with those that are the most meaningful. And throughout the entire wedding day ? the preparations, the ceremony, the reception, and the wedding night ? the moment when you recite your wedding vows to each other is the most meaningful. It is a time that you will remember forever, exactly as it felt: a sublime, dreamlike fantastical moment, when everyone significant to you is watching as you join in wedlock with the most important individual in your life.
Bridal Shower Themes
It is the maid of honor's duty to organize the bridal shower and to ensure that the party is everything the bride expected. The best way to ensure that everyone will have fun is to create a theme around the bridal shower in which everyone can participate in. The following is a list of fun and exciting themes for bridal showers. Choose the one that suits the bride the best:
A frustrating lack of permanence plagues modern relationships. Approximately one of every two marriages ends in divorce and the average length of a marriage before divorce is only five years. Many couples today chose cohabitation over traditional marriage. What happened to the idealized family depicted in Father Knows Best, Leave it To Beaver, The Donna Reed Show and Ozzie and Harriet?
Is Your Heart Set On An Antique Engagement Ring?
As Mark Twain said "Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all." And don't we all agree?
Throwing a Las Vegas Garden Wedding
You may not think of Las Vegas as an area known for its gardens but you'd be wrong. There are more gardens in and around Las Vegas than you'd think possible given the desert environment, the heat and the crowds of tourists that never stop coming. There are gardens inside in some of the most unlikely places and there are outside gardens that will make you forget you're in the desert.
A Call for International Marriage Laws
I recently watched a CNN programme which centred on "kidnapped daughters" (from multicultural marriages) who were unwillingly given away in marriages in Islamic states by their fathers. Usually, the fathers were from these Islamic states. While pondering over why some states still refuse women their rights to choose whom to marry, the key question I am also trying to answer is "Which international law governs inter-country and inter-religious marriages?"
Choosing a Wedding Date ?- When You?re Feeling Indecisive
He ? or she ? asked, and you answered in the affirmative! Now's the time to bask in the romance, and enjoy the first phase of your new life together. But soon, you'll need a response for that timeless question: "when's the wedding?"
Wedding Reception Made for You
No matter how well you plan all the aspects of the wedding, one deciding factor on how well it goes is based upon the wedding reception-site. All kidding aside, having it "rain on your special day" is certainly not the ideal wedding reception environment for most people. Taking the time with wedding planning in advance, and brainstorming location ideas will go a long way towards creating your perfect wedding location.
Todays Wedding Is Brought To You In Association With ...
With the cost of today's weddings spiraling to astronomical levels, some couples are now looking for sponsorship to help them have the big day that they have always dreamed of. This new trend of "selling out" on your big day has recently hit America by storm. Enterprising couples promise publicity to companies by mixing business cards with the confetti, a mention in the bride or groom's speech and even a hyperlink on the their wedding day website. Sponsors are also mentioned in the wedding invitations and thank you letters and in some instances, may even be invited to the wedding to network.
Here Comes the Bride
As we hear the music begin to play the Bridal March, we all stand to welcome the new bride as she walks down the aisle in her white gown looking perfect, not a thing out of place.
To Choose a Wedding Planner or Not to Choose a Wedding Planner
When I was the owner of a major wedding facility, I was able to observe the results of more than 300 weddings. I've seen exceptional events that will last forever in the memories of the participants. I've also seen total disasters. The difference was always in how the event was planned and managed.
Expressions of Devotion: Buying Engagement Rings, Wedding Rings, and Wedding Bands Online
Ritual symbolism abounds in everything we do; this is particularly the case when an individual commits their love and devotion to another and offers a promise of marriage. The custom of offering and exchanging engagement rings and wedding bands is a time honored tradition rich in symbolism and meaning that has been carried on for centuries.
Like Sand Through an Hour Glass
Symbols! Weddings are full of them. Exchanging rings. Exchanging roses. Tying hands with ribbons. Merging coloured sands. Lighting candles. Releasing doves or butterflies. Ringing bells and kissing chimney sweeps. But when it comes to real drama, no symbol can match smashing a glass or two.
Give-and Take: Recipe for Success in Marriage?
A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question about her marriage. I have a funny feeling that you might not be especially impressed with the answer she was given.
Living in LOVE : Remembering Why You Married
The kids are yelling, the dog is barking, and you just found out that your spouse forgot to do the one thing that you needed them to do today?again! This scenario may sound typical for your family, or your scenario could be worse. Maybe you and your spouse are arguing more and more, and connecting less and less? You may have even asked yourself, "Is this marriage a mistake?". Though you knew your life wouldn't be like the Brady Bunch, you may find yourself surprised at just how much work a marriage can be ? and its twice as hard if only one person is working at it.
Signature Frames - Your Guestbook and Wedding Frame Together At Last!
So you have been invited to a wedding. Whether you are a friend, family member or the proud parents, one of the most important, if not stressful decisions is what to buy the new couple. This new union will require a unique gift, a gift the newlyweds can actually use and enjoy. Is there such a gift that can provide these qualities while still being original?
|Wedding Professionals in every state from Disc Jockeys & Photography to Wedding Invitations & Wedding Coordinators and free service including Sunset Times, Bridal Shows Wedding Planning Call us at 1-866 My Weddings|