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Which Came First, Love or Marriage?
I came across an article today: LOVE AND MARRIAGE THE TORAH'S CRITERIA by Rivka Olenick.
It helped me think about my own marriage, and the way that many couples approach the idea of being together before they get married vs. what they think after the wedding. People often believe they know what love is after seeing a limited view of their spouse-to-be.
When they're asked, "why do you guys want to get married?" They say, "I just love the way he [fill in the blank]." or "She and I have so much in common".
But when a real test comes, like always having to pick her socks or dealing with his less than average meals (sic), both parties become greatly disenchanted. After they have the opportunity to discover more about the other person, the "love" fades and resentment moves in.
So what does it take to make it work? Of the happy couples I've talked with, most attribute their happiness to the real love that grows after marriage. Often times it's not a pretty love. Partners may have to get dirty, like gardeners who expect good things to grow after they've done the work and have overcome their selfishness.
This kind of love grows when they lose a loved one but can find comfort from God and each other during their grief. It's the kind of love that develops when they are in danger of losing their house or job, but can see beyond their circumstances. Or it's the kind that matures when they're able to overcome adultery and find forgiveness not only heals, but seals their bond to one another.
This love is not an overnight love. It doesn't come quick, and it is a challenge for our microwave society. But these couples keep pressing on, believing that happiness can be achieved. Fortunately, for most persevering couples, it is.
For all those people out there who are engaged or thinking about marriage, my suggestion to you? Find one of these couples who can be trusted. Model them and let them mentor you. If you don't know someone personally, email firstname.lastname@example.org to find out how to get help with your relationship.
Finally, I'd like to leave you with this thought from the article I read:
"...marriages are contracted not as a result of passion and romance, but as a result of good judgment and sound reason. If the couple is well suited, the marriage will result in love and happiness. Marriages based on pre-marital infatuation, however, all too often fail the test of married life."
Keep your faith during the hard times. Keep your head when you want to lose it. And your heart will believe in a love greater than you can imagine.
Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.Married4Good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.
Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage and relationships which will be published Spring 2006.
If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://married4good.blogspot.com
The Planning of a Bridal Shower!
Planning a bridal shower? Maybe a dear friend or even sister is getting married and you are in charge of planning the bridal shower? Bridal showers are customary and traditional. They aren't all about the bridal shower gifts though! They are a way to welcome new family members and celebrate a new beginning for the couple. But, they can also be fun if planned to be.
Bridal Shower Basics
A bridal shower is an excellent way for the bride to surround herself with her closest friends and family and relax, loosen up and have some fun. The bride can also use this time to share the experiences of those that have already married, and in a general way, espouse her expectations and dreams for the new adventure she is about to enter. The bridal shower should be memorable for the bride-to-be and her guests and can be based on a particular theme, just like the wedding. Games, themes, decorations, and gifts are all important to include in the bridal shower. Many couples choose to have "couple showers," where both bride and groom are able to share the time together. Other brides choose to have their bridal showers in a creative 'themed' location ? a beautiful ocean-side resort comes to mind, for example. Using your unique ideas will help you create a distinctive setting for your event. While the goal is to have fun and enjoy the event, there are some simple plans you can follow to make your bridal shower a most memorable occasion for everyone involved.
The Wedding Guests Guide to A Stress Free and Fun Wedding
Most brides become obsessed with throwing the perfect wedding. The bride-zilla persona takes over and can cause incredible pressure and strain on all involved. What most brides fail to realize is that the majority of details they fuss over, go unnoticed by guests and are forgotten by the bride and groom during the excitement of the big day.
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Hearing that your cheating spouse is "in love" with someone else is devastating. I hear often, "I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and "love" someone else?man, that is hard." (Feel free to substitute the word he for she in this article.)
Marriage Tips: Breathe Your Way to a Happier Marriage
One way to increase your chances of enjoying a happy marriage is to remember to breathe deeply. Are you surprised by this recommendation? You're probably not the only one.
Planning A Backyard Wedding
So many couples are planning to have their wedding at locations that are symbolic to them. A popular place for this is their parents or relative's backyard. A popular color for a backyard wedding is hunter green to match the natural surroundings. Hunter green bridesmaid dresses are lovely for a wedding. Choosing to plan a backyard wedding and using hunter bridesmaid dresses is hard work. It is advised you start as soon as possible.
Honeymooning on the Waves
Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the ultimate romantic date. You can't be much more together alone than when you're separated from the rest of the world by sheets and sheets of water.
The Engagement Ring Bling
How much should you spend on a diamond engagement ring?
Engagement Rings & Celebrities
Whether we like it or not current trends in engagement rings say bigger is so much better. Just have a look at what style engagement rings celebrities are choosing. And of course what's good for them is good for the rest of us.
The Beautiful Bride To Be ? Beauty Tips For The Big Day
It goes without saying that we all want to look our best for the big day. So preparation is the key. Take care of your skin, hair and body in the months leading up to the wedding and you will have a good base to start from.
Ten Beliefs That Can Contribute to an Unhappy Marriage
Have you ever wondered why your marriage isn't happier? If so, you're not alone. Numerous spouses are struggling with the same question.
Heavenly Bahamas Honeymoon Resorts
Celebrating under the attentive care of Bahamas honeymoon resorts, there might be no better way to commence a marriage. Consisting of over 700 mostly-uninhabited islands, Bahamas has a lot of territory to encounter during your trip. Bahamas honeymoon packages can put you in touch with several different tropical paradises during any given vacation. You will never be without something new to experience. Even your second or third Bahamas honeymoon will be as fresh and unique as the first.
3 Steps to Marrying the Right Person
Marrying for love, financial security and/or companionship does not guarantee long lasting happiness. While legitimate reasons for entering into a marriage, they can blind a person to the signs of a doomed relationship.
What Happens If You Dont Wear Proper Wedding Shoes?
Here comes the bride! Walking through the alley confidence holding her father's arm, but suddenly the shoes slip and she fell down. Wow?knocks on wood, hope that don't happen you.
The Loveliest Las Vegas Wedding Reception
If you are actually planning your Las Vegas wedding reception, you're already a step ahead of a lot of people who get married in Vegas! All kidding aside - this is certainly a momentous occasion, and for your wedding reception Las Vegas has the expertise to make it perfect.
Bora Bora Honeymoon Vacations
Poets, sailors, honeymooners and other romantics have officially declared this island to be the most enchanting, breath-taking, romantic and unique place on earth. This is because Bora Bora honeymoon vacations are all about relaxing and enjoying secluded moments with a loved one on a utopian island with its warm waters, gentle climate and dramatic beauty. Bora Bora is indeed one of the most famous islands in Polynesia despite being a surprisingly small island. In fact, from afar either by land or sea, Bora Bora looks just like a gem enclosed by a string of pearls.
Mens Diamond Rings ? The Ultimate Wedding Ring For The Modern Man
Mens diamond rings are becoming more and more popular with the modern man. As more men celebrate their marriage by the wearing of a wedding ring, mens diamond rings are fast becoming the new mens fashion.
What should you "walk down the aisle" to? Should you stick with the traditional Wedding March or should you shock your grannie with "Bat out of Hell"?
Weddings Abroad ? Does Paradise Come At A Price?
For some couples, jetting off to their dream location would be the most romantic way to tie the knot. And with weddings abroad being generally much cheaper than having the big day at home, it would seem that this would be the ideal solution for every bride and groom. Well, not quite. The main problem with pledging your vows abroad is that you are giving up much of the control of the wedding preparations, simply because you can't go along and check out things beforehand. Therefore it's crucial that you choose your travel company carefully.
Help Your Marriage Survive The Rough Spots
Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods. Even in the best of circumstances, there are going to be difficult times.
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