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Marriage Problems: Help in Preventing Them
When we want to be successful at something in life, we usually don't attempt to "wing it." That's why those who want to play the piano take lessons. No one can sit down at a piano for the first time and play Mozart or Beethoven. Sure, most anyone can peck on the keys long enough to figure out "Chop Sticks" or "Mary Had a Little Lamb," but that's hardly musical success. An instructor will teach us what keys produce certain musical notes, what techniques to use to access those keys and how to determine musical notes from written symbols in order to play pieces of music.
Once we've received basic education and training, it is up to us to practice and develop what we we've learned. After years of practicing, one can become adequate at making music with a piano. Clearly, success does not belong to a beginner.
Yet we often assume that success in marriage will come without any instruction or practice. Many times, we rely on some mysterious shared chemistry or compatibility and then when things don't run smoothly, we assume that individual differences are to blame. In the sad cases, divorce lawyers entitle them, "irreconcilable differences."
Usually those struggling in marriage don't question their techniques or decide they are going to start practicing with a resource or a professional. Unmarried couples usually don't seek to learn correct fundamentals and techniques to practice in their future marriage. Because of this, many people are setting themselves up for failure.
Here at Family Dynamics Institute, we have helped thousands of couples rebuild broken marriages and have helped good marriages prevent problems before they could ever develop. It's takes hard work, but it is well worth it. If your marriage is in crisis, please contact us right away at 1-800-650-9995 to learn about our intensive seminar for troubled marriages. If your marriage is not in crisis but you fear it could fall into crisis, the following three points should offer some help in keeping your marriage from reaching a point distress. If your marriage is strong, the following should help you keep it that way.
Things to remember and practice:
1. Marriage is a team sport. In talking to couples in crisis from around the United States, I often hear only one side of the story. The side I hear is usually one spouse blaming the other for all the problems within their marriage. "If only he'd _________." "If she wouldn't ________." I've been involved with enough couples to know that it is never completely one-sided. Sure, one spouse might share more of the guilt in hurting a marriage, like in cases of infidelity, but it is nearly impossible for one spouse to deserve all the blame. Don't expect your spouse to do all the work in your relationship. Each marriage partner has enough to work on within without attempting to change or manipulate his or her spouse. Be a team player in your marriage and your spouse will likely do the same.
2. Become your spouse's dream. When you were young, it's likely you had ideas and dreams of your relationship with your future spouse. Your spouse did as well.
Perhaps one of the greatest mistakes people make in marriage relationships is to stop the courtship process. You remember that time in your life don't you? When you were polite, kind, supportive, selfless, thoughtful, attentive, forthcoming and sensitive to your spouse? You made yourself into that dream. You learned what he/she liked you to wear. You learned what bothered, scared or hurt and you avoided those things. You found out what was important to him/her and you made it important to you even if it wasn't before. Do it again! People don't leave the spouse of their dreams. You'll likely find that your spouse will do the same for you.
3. Tell people good things about your spouse. In front of him or even when he's not there (the same goes for husbands about wives). If you focus on the positives in your spouse, you will find that he/she not only does more of those positive things but also adds new positives to the list. Thank him for cutting the grass or taking out the trash. Thank her for a delicious meal and tell others that she's a great cook. Be sure to compliment him on his strong arms or intelligence in front of your friends. Tell her how beautiful you think she is. Tell him he's handsome. Not only will your spouse appreciate the compliment, but you'll find it easier to treat your spouse as you should because you will be programming yourself to respect and appreciate him or her.
Marriage takes practice and work, but the rewards are for a lifetime. Remember that great marriages don't happen over night just as troubled marriages usually don't become disturbed in a few days. Start on the path to being a team player in your marriage and don't look back.
© 2005 Lee Wilson. All rights reserved.
Lee Wilson is on staff at Family Dynamics Institute. Family Dynamics attempts to prevent marriage problems by helping couples who are already in troubled marriages and by teaching those in good marriages to prevent major issues before they happen. Lee combats marriage problems from another angle with his web site for Christian singles by helping them find compatibility in possible marriage candidates. Lee hopes that his efforts will help to decrease the divorce rate around the world.
Planning a Special Wedding Shower
The wedding shower is a traditional party of the marriage process. Often times the bridal party, or the people who have been asked to be in the wedding, will through the party for the couple. Or, other times, friends or family members will hold it for them. Making a wedding shower memorable starts with planning. First, you need to decide if the party will be formal or relaxed and laid back. Often times, large families will have a formal wedding shower for the bride and groom which may include a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant. Other times, some of the brides close friends will get together at a house and throw a small get together for them. Either way, once this choice is made, the planning begins.
The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
When people think about great love stories, more often than not they'll think about Romeo and Juliet. These, of course, were no more than two hormone-sizzling teenagers whose major fascination for each other was their parents' opposition.
Italian Honeymoon Vacations
Going to Italy on a honeymoon vacation could be the best turning point in your romance as you venture in this place full of romantic pursuits and mesmerizing love. The places worth visiting in this popular land of exotic Mediterranean culture are the Colosseum, the Sistine Chapel, the canals of Venice and the cathedrals.
The (American) Bride Wore Red
Increasing numbers of American brides are thinking about doing the formerly unthinkable -- getting married in a bold red gown.
Wedding Speeches Made Easy: Wedding Speech or Best Mans Speech Tips
Have you ever had to give a wedding speech? As the groom or best man?
Marriage Tips: Fifteen Ways to Say ?I Love You? in 3 Minutes or Less
To keep romance alive and nurture the intimacy in your marriage, you'll want to know a number of ways to express your feelings to your spouse. There are certainly times when you'll want to put a significant amount of time and energy into a project that shows your love for your spouse in a major way, such as planning a surprise birthday dinner party that includes family and friends or a new deck that you spend several weekends building.
A Call for International Marriage Laws
I recently watched a CNN programme which centred on "kidnapped daughters" (from multicultural marriages) who were unwillingly given away in marriages in Islamic states by their fathers. Usually, the fathers were from these Islamic states. While pondering over why some states still refuse women their rights to choose whom to marry, the key question I am also trying to answer is "Which international law governs inter-country and inter-religious marriages?"
Do You Hear Wedding Bells?
So you've been in that perfect relationship for some time now. You've been dropping hints about the future and he is receiving you loud and clear. It's time to do a little "window shopping." After all, you don't want to leave one of the most important decisions in your life entirely up to him, do you? He WILL lose sleep over finding that perfect engagement ring, even though he will not admit it. So why not help him out a little, give him some guidance and direction.
Eight Cheap Honeymoon Ideas for Couples on a Budget
Between paying for the wedding and setting up a new household, many couples find there's not much money left in their budget for the honeymoon. But who says you have to spend a fortune to enjoy a romantic honeymoon at your dream destination? Here are eight ideas for a more affordable, yet still romantic, honeymoon.
Are Wedding Decorations Waiting in Your Future?
If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely there are wedding decorations as well. Or, maybe you are looking for Easter decorations, baby shower decorations, or even prom decorations? For some good ideas on any party decorations, just check online!
Flowers in Her Hair
Before George W Bush became a President, John Quincy Adams was the first son of a President to become a President himself. But while John Quincy Adams lost that first, for him and his family there are still other firsts.
Wedding Receiving Line Etiquette?Greeting Your Guests with Style
Even though it's a great tradition with a long history, some couples choose not to greet their guests in a receiving line fearing that this might take too long. Frank Gregoli, a top New York party planner says realistically, one should allow 30 minutes for every 100 people in the line.
Anniversary Gifts that Say I Love You
Exchanging anniversary gifts is a long standing tradition. Many couples seek out traditional gifts for each year of marriage, but others prefer "modern" gifts. Below you'll find a few ideas to say "I love you" on your special day.
Trust in Marriage
A couple should trust each other in many ways. When they meet new people they are expected to be trusted not to wonder from a marriage. Not to have an affair or become involved with anyone else. Trust in marriage is also needed when keeping finances under control. A couple should trust one another to respect each other for example when couples have a joint bank account it is on trust that you both use the account responsibly and trust that it will not be abused by either of you.
The Pros & Cons of Beach Weddings
Beach weddings are popular but they do present "special issues".
Classic White Color for Bridal Gown
Ever since Queen Victoria wed in 1840, however, white has remained the traditional color for wedding gowns and bouquets. A woman then used her dress for Court Presentation after marriage, usually with a different bodice. It has been accepted taditional color of the wedding dress, but wedding gowns were not always white. The marriage of Queen Victoria to her cousin Albert of Saxe- Coburg in 1840 has had more influence on weddings than any other. Queen Victoria put the wheels in motion by marrying in white.
Depending on your personal preferences and the preferences of your husband or wife-to-be, a wedding can take anywhere from 6 weeks to 2 years to plan. If one step in the planning process is missed, the whole wedding could be ruined. To prevent this from happening, we have created a wedding checklist in order to ensure everything goes according to plan on your big day.
Infidelity: How ?My Marriage Made Me Do It? is a Cop-out
Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: "I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We've grown apart. I can't stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened."
Your groomsmen will be donating their time to your big event. They will appear at the tailor or rental store to be fitted for that formal wear. They will hear your arguments with your beloved over the wedding arrangements. They will celebrate your last night of being a single man. They will cheerfully escort your guests to their seat. And some will offer toasts in your honor at your reception. So how do you show your appreciation for all they are doing for you? Take a look at some of our suggestions.
Wedding Planning: Prioritize to Stay Within Your Wedding Budget
So you're planning your wedding and a thousand decisions must be made! It can be an exciting, but tiring experience to pull off the wedding of your dreams, especially within your budget.
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